Fear
Why do we fear something before it happens?
My husband and I have been married for over 15 years. Since the day we met, there hasn’t been a day the two of us have not communicated in some form — spoken over the phone, exchanged emails, or sent text messages. The first year and a half we were dating getting to know each other slowly, we spent living over 1000 miles apart. Once we got married and moved in together, our lives have been so intertwined and interdependent with each other. We have come to be the best of friends, each others greatest support, and each other’s loudest cheerleader. We have had some amazing experiences together, and gone through some rough areas along the way. No matter what, we made a committment to each other on our wedding day to continue to work on us, no matter what. We have had to evolve what defines our marriage for the two of us as to how we identify and how we wish to be addresseed by others. We actually work well as a team, complimenting the strengths of the other. When I’m in a low spot, he is there to pull the slack while helping me out of the slump. Likewise, when he is not himself and not feeling as great as I think he is, I take over and lead the caravan we call our family. This relationship is a huge part of me. I love him and our marriage a great deal.
It’s like trying to win a race in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t go anywhere.
In 2019, my husband underwent a major open chest procedure for a valve replacement and coronary artery bypass. I’m a nurse. These procedures happen all the time, several times a day by experts. I have always been able to remain objective and calm in nearly all medical related events and situations, but this one was different. This one threatened the security I know, cherish, and comforts me. The fear of something happening has at times become crippling. Tension builds and is felt in several areas of my shoulders and neck when I think of it. Reality is I know I wasted valuable time worrying about it. Worry has never in my experience been helpful. It’s like trying to win a race in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t go anywhere. I wish it was easy to turn work off. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to go to bed or wake up and the first person I think of is not there beside me. I am very angry this has to happen. The disruption to our lives is immense and he carries guilt about that.
Could fear be seen as something good to warn people and prepare us in ways we haven’t thought needed?
Could fear be seen as something good to warn people and prepare us in ways we haven’t thought needed? I wrote that question and I must say it changed my thoughts and action almost immediately. Instead of letting the fear create worry and waste time, how about identifing the fear as a signal to take action. This action could be to make plan A and plan B, then have plan C ready if they both fall through. Just like pain is a warning something is wrong in the body, perhpas fear could be the same type warning. Whatever viewpoint, the nemesis of fear is courage and typically one has to walk through the fear to find courage. Once found, it is that courage one grabs onto when fear is faced again.
